Some of My Retard Cousins.

One of my aunties was pretty famous, appearing in the original series of those toilet paper ads. Then, the fame got to her head. After a nasty month-long Nip bender, she woke up in the destroyed remnants of the yarn store she broke into while stoned out of her fur, and realized she had to clean herself up. A devotee of Eastern religions and philosophies, she decided to move to an isolated Japanese monastery. During a meditative walk along a mountain path, she ended up running into one of them japanamation Pokemon cats, and fell in love. This is the unfortunate product of that union.

Emmett Farber earned his Ph.D in nuclear physics at the age of 4; at the age of 5, while modifying his superconductor for a neutrino experiment, a combination of badly translated operator's manual and incorrectly coloured wire led to a high-energy `ooops' that scrambled the good doctor's DNA. What remained now works as a janitor/handyman at a facility in the `burbs, and can't be in the same room as an operating microwave without experiencing seizures.

Barb grew up wanting to be librarian. High-strung and jumpy, this control freak finally got her wish when she was hired to work in the library at the local college. Two months into the job, during Homecoming Weekend, she `ssshhhhh'ed!!' herself hoarse trying to preserve an appropriate level of silence while an unstoppable wave of drunken alumni washed up into the stacks. She finally snapped when the 1986 rowing crew got a little too rowdy in the `Sociology' section. Now serving a life sentence for murder, Barb recently found Jesus, and leads the prison's Bible Circle. Her eyes still blink a little out of sync when the book-cart squeaks by her cell every day.

Clem answers the question `Why CAN"T cats and dogs interbreed?' This picture was taken after Clem and the teddy bear were officially married.

For whatever reason, Julian can't seem to make his way out of the closet. Local florist AND hairdresser, performs YMCA every year at the town's Talent Show, still has `roommates', talks a little too enthusiastically about `sexing the ladies' while slapping his buddies' asses, and his favourite movie is `The Birdcage'; when pressed, Julian insists he just hasn't found the right girl. `Nuff said. Keep Reaching For That Rainbow!